The Boob Legacy

The first time someone referred to me as “a breastfeeding advocate” I was pretty confused. It seemed apparent to me that breastfeeding had been around since our furry-teeted ancestors knuckle dragged their way into the cave and gathered up what must have been either the cutest or ugliest babies in history (think about it) and that it was, quite simply, the way that we fed and continue to feed our young. Only within the recent history of man have we become sensitive schmucks that shame such a natural and wonderful thing. breastfeeding cave art breastfeeding cave art So this is a funny and simple look at why breastfeeding in public is important and I’m going to mention the only 3 people that breastfeeding should matter to in their order of importance… Annnnnnnnd GO! The Baby Agenda: Food. Newborns need to eat EVERY 2-3 HOURS. Feeding schedules get much easier as a child gets older but, trust me, when a baby is hungry there’s really only one thing that can be done about it; feed that baby. Simple stuff. The Mom Agenda: Comfort. My wife is really into baby wraps and owns multiple. She has a method of covering herself as she breastfeeds. Most women do. Women have dealt with the sexualization of breasts for their entire lives and now they’re having to pull these private parts out in public. It’s a brave thing to do and goes against what they’ve been taught. My wife only wants to feed our child. She does not want to stir anything up or be an advocate. She has no desire to offend anyone or show off her boobs. They have a purpose other than that of wet T-shirt contest. The Partner Agenda: Protection A partners agenda is to make certain that their offspring eat when hungry and mothers are comfortable in the environment. realistic protective cave woman realistic cave woman I’m not going to ask my wife and child to wait until we get into a hot car or a private room or a public bathroom or hide baby in a corner (I kill me!). My wife will sling that titty out on the train and pop it in the baby’s mouth for some very simple reasons and if you, dear Fabricated Train (BART) A-hole, give her the eye or huff or sigh I’m going to give you a look that will basically tell you that I’m capable of tearing your heart through your chest and letting you watch its final few pulses Indiana Jones style. Your discomfort is stupid and unwarranted and you’d be dead if it wasn’t for titties. As I conclude this piece I want to ask you to share this commentary out quite blatantly. This piece is not for the people who agree with me, this piece is for the assholes. We’ve all experienced the leering eyes of disapproval, uncomfortable stares, judgmental huffs and crossed-legged newspaper ruffles of the assholes. This is for the A-hole. This is our opportunity to huff in their direction. It is a piece that we can remember when we have one of these judgy idiots look at us as our loved ones feed and are fed. It’s here for us to remember that we are completely justified to feed our children when they are hungry and not worry about where they are hungry. If this blog offended you then it’s HIGHLY likely that you’re an A-hole. I wanted to offend you and I’m glad it did. Next time I see you on the train I’m gonna glare harder so prepare to ruffle the living hell out of your newspaper… ya A-hole. Damn, I’m glad I wrote this. Read the first in the Boob Series is here: http://www.boobie-palooza.com/boob-identity-dads-thoughts-sharing/ Read the second in the Boob Series here: http://www.daddyissues123.com/the-boob-supremacy-3-reasons-dads-are-titty-jealous/ ——————————————- Ryan Bell is Berkeley’s very own Daddy Blogger. He will be on the on the Whose Boobies: Relationships, Sex and Parenting Panel at Boobie-Palooza. He is an author, speaker and podcaster for www.daddyissues123.com. Ryan Bell HeadshotHis team focuses on the transitions that take place during marriage and parenthood. Ryan is an outspoken speaker, a published poet and songwriter and loves to bring the straight-forward dad perspective. Equal parts Mr. Rogers and Howard Stern, Ryan speaks openly and honestly about his successes and failures as a parent and a partner. Helping him through the journey is his podcasting partner Dr. Nan Cowardin-Lee, a Social Scientist who brings a deeper understanding of his changing relationships and transition into fatherhood. Keep a look out for their upcoming book, The Daddy Issues.